Week One: Settling In

My heart jumped when the doorbell rang. My family and I had been preparing to welcome an asylum seeker into our home for a month – after an interview and police checks on all in the household – and we were both excited and apprehensive of the potential challenges that lay before us.

The previous evening we had received basic details of our guest: nationality, name, age. That morning, the news had broken of another boatload of asylum seekers arriving on our shores, along with a government warning to community hosts of asylum seekers of the risk of suicide attempts, should their application for a visa be denied.

When we first heard about the Australian Government’s plan to enlist the help of everyday Australians to introduce asylum seekers into the community, we thought it would be a great way we could tangibly make a difference to an individual’s perspective on Australians and was an opportunity for us to help turn a potentially traumatising experience into a positive one.

I am very conscious of Australia’s reputation on refugees overseas and wanted to help reshape those impressions to what I hoped more accurately reflected the typical Aussie’s hospitable and generous nature. We thought we would have our work cut out for us, as our new friend’s first view of mainland Australia was through the razor wire of a detention centre in Darwin.

As we sat around our dining room table, chatting with the two Red Cross workers who brought Cyrus from the airport that evening, he told us in broken English how lucky he felt to be welcomed into our home. When I showed Cyrus his room for the next six weeks, his eyes lit up.

Just that morning he had left his home of six months, a detention centre outside Darwin. In the car on the way to the airport, Cyrus had been told he would be one of 80 asylum seekers being relocated to Melbourne that day. Now, here he was, in a completely foreign environment, with strange people in a welcoming, warm house in a wealthy bayside suburb of chilly Melbourne. I could only imagine how overwhelmed he must be feeling.

We had been warned by the Australia Homestay Network – which is rolling out the program on behalf of the Australian Government – that we should not ask our guest too much about the circumstances of departure from their home, and subsequent arrival in Australia, as it may have a re-traumatising effect. However, we soon discovered our guest was only too happy to share his story with us.

We were also told to help Cyrus to adjust, but make sure he gained independence as quickly as possible, so as not to become dependent on us.

After spending a day or so recovering from his very sudden and dramatic change in circumstances and speaking on the phone with his wife and mother, reassuring them he was okay, Cyrus was eager to show his appreciation for our hospitality with a home-cooked Persian meal. I helped him with his shopping list – as he drew pictures of vegetables or found one in the fridge I would translate it for him.

Cyrus spent the evening preparing a feast for us and over dinner told us the circumstances in which he came to flee his home in Iran with haste because of critical comments he had made about Islam. He left his young wife behind and faced an uncertain journey first on a plane to Jakarta, then a $7000 one-day boat trip to Christmas Island, along with around 190 others seeking asylum, from places like Afghanistan, Syria, Iraq and Lebanon, as well as Iran.

Cyrus told us he spent seven months in detention, and experienced a brutal mob beating just a month before, while in detention. He said he could have fought back, but knew it would damage his chances of being granted a visa, so he just took it. Cyrus told us the guards were nice people, and they were the only people he could really speak English with, and of how he and his friends would struggle to fill their days, sleeping a lot and playing soccer.

The next day I took Cyrus out to introduce him to our public transport system, library and get him a phone. He was so grateful for my help and while he felt comfortable conversing with me, was a bit shy at first about communicating with others. I felt overwhelmed with exhaustion just trying to imagine how these outings must be for him. Everything new, everything different to what he is used to back in his home.

Many people we encountered, particularly one woman at the library, were very curious about Cyrus and were eager to help out as much as possible, which was really heart-warming to see.

Cyrus is a peaceful, simple young man who just wants to live his life with his wife by his side. He loves corny pop music, Manchester United, stylish and colourful clothes and spends a great deal of time on his appearance – he takes about 10 times longer than I do to get ready. He has a lot going for him in that he has a trade, is eager to learn and has a great positive attitude. Cyrus told me he wants to correct a lot of the misconceptions Australians may have about his country, and would like to share some of its ancient history and culture.

So, in some respects, it seems Cyrus has a bit of a head-start over a lot of refugees who aren’t so outgoing, but it will still be a huge challenge for him to adapt to life here – our customs, habits and culture – and to find employment and a place to live.

My sister’s boyfriend also happens to be Persian, and it was great for them to be able to meet and spend some time together. Cyrus was keen to get his hair cut, so off they went to the barber down the road. Apparently, while they were there, Cyrus – a man from a country where drinking alcohol is illegal – was offered a beer to sip while his hair was being taken care of. He accepted with pleasure, but was no doubt confused when he was told he couldn’t take the beer out of the barber once he was ready to go.

There are a myriad of rules, regulations and customs for Cyrus to be introduced to and for him to absorb. Even something such as appropriate dressing can be a challenge to negotiate.

The other day, Cyrus had to go into the city on his own for a Red Cross meeting. My father bumped into him in the CBD of Melbourne on his way to the meeting, dressed in a tuxedo. It may not have been the most appropriate outfit for the occasion, but he did look great.

It’s already been an incredible experience for us to welcome Cyrus into our family. He has cooked for us many times, introduced us to his family on Skype and spent Sunday at my grandparent’s farm picking olives with my extended family (he now has a photo from the day as the background on his phone).

Cyrus calls me ‘my sister’ and said to me the other night, ‘I am very lucky, I have a very nice family here. God must like me.’

After just a week, Cyrus’ English is improving fast and he returned from a day of shopping yesterday wearing a pair of boardshorts featuring the Australian flag. He’s already more Aussie than me.

 

NB: Names have been changed.